Growing up Catholic, I certainly learned the value of a good confession. I’m invoking that power right now.

My confession is this: I haven’t written in over a month.

• Not a single blog post (I keep three blogs and contribute to two others)
• Not a single scene on my novel, or my short story
• Not a single entry in my dream journal

I’ve written a handful of Facebook status updates. A couple emails that were not work related. A few book reviews.  Some critiques. A few notes jotted in my paper journal. All together? It adds up to not enough writing. Not at all.

For me, routine is key to writing well. And stability and predictability are key to routine. I need to stop instigating transitions and adding new things to my life, or else.

Or else, I’ll no longer be truthful when I refer to myself as a writer.

A few entries ago, I posted a poll about why we write, and was surprised that the majority of respondents responded the same way I did: that they write because they feel crappy when they don’t.

I don’t have more time today than I did on all those other days when I wasn’t writing. I just finally got to the “breaking point” I always reach when too much time goes by without putting real words to paper (or, more often, screen). Here’s to breaking bad patterns. Here’s to no longer feeling crappy.

Well, today is the exact one-year anniversary of this blog; I began it on November 3, 2008. At that time, I was only a few days into my life as a full-time freelancer, full of questions and fear and enthusiasm. That first month, I definitely bit off a little more than I could chew — working far more than 40 hrs a week for my two main clients at the time, participating in NaNoWriMo (a year later, I’m still untangling the messiest first draft I’ve ever written!), updating this blog daily, and running around to conferences and election events. My life has definitely balanced out quite a bit since then. I’m always busy, but my life no longer has that “working-all-the-time” feeling. This is a very, very good thing.

I started freelancing last year with two clients: my previous employer, New Moon Girl Media, and a self-publisher. On my first day as a freelancer, the self-publisher I worked with dropped the rates they paid their freelancers by 25%. Yikes! It sent me into a minor panic, which also motivated me to find more reliable clients (in true worry-wart fashion, I’d worked for the self-publisher for four months at decent rates before I made the decision to transition to a full-time freelance lifestyle, only to have that security shaken within the first day “on the job”!)

The lowered rates, along with an increasingly unreliable payment schedule, urged me to drop that client as soon as I had more reliable work, although I enjoyed the work very, very much (in case you’re wondering, I’m not naming them because for the most part, I feel like, if you can’t say something nice on the Internet, be vague — or privacy protect your entries). In January, I started working for Scribendi, which I’ve loved. The work is varied and steady, the pay schedule is regular and reliable, and overall, they maintain their business with the utmost professionalism.  I also wrote a handful of articles for Demand Studios when things with my other cients slowed down and pursued my  publication goals, which resulted in . . .

• A sell to the Unsent Letters anthology, forthcoming (and my only work published under a pen name)
• A sell to Queer Dimensions of my short story, “The Man in the Mirror”
• Acceptance of my essay “Where I First Met God” by Unruly Catholic Women Writers II and a so-far unnamed anthology about lesbianism and Catholicism
• Publication of my article, Spiritual and Virtual, in ChurchWatch
• Initial interest in an article on head-hopping by Writers’ Journal

I also received a few rejections, but surprisingly, fewer than my acceptances. They still sting. But I’ve learned a lot about the value of submitting something a market wants, when they want it. A lot of my acceptances came from writing something new specific to the call for submissions, rather than digging through my repertoire for something that might fit. I’m still pursuing “my own things” with hopes that the markets will come later, but this has been an invaluable way to actually build up my list of publishing credits.

Although frightened by the “insecurity” of full-time freelancing, I resolved when I began not to jump ship too quickly, to try to give it at least a year before pursuing more “traditional” employment in any concerted manner. I did apply to one full-time position during that year because the opportunity was too good to pass up; I made it into the “final round” but didn’t get an interview. Last night, on the eve of my one-year anniversary, I was offered more “traditional” employment once more, and I accepted. My orientation starts tomorrow for a part-time teen librarian position.

I’m excited about a lot of things — the chance to work in a library!, another source of steady income, enough time and flexibility to continue doing freelance work. I’m nervous about a few things, like not being able to work in my jammies, having to drive in Minnesota winters again, and finding a way to balance it all. The position is temporary, through January, so I’m going to keep everything on my plate until then, and reasses as necessary when January rolls around.

I’ve also reflected a bit on what role I want LL Word to play in my future. I started this blog as something of an experiment, to see whether I could find enough to say about writing-related topics to update it three times a week (preferably every weekday, however), to keep me accountable to my goals, to chronicle this scary adventure I was undertaking, and to give me a home on the web to refer potential clients to. I’ve very much enjoyed the conversations with my regular readers, and have been pleasantly surprised by the occasional lurker who comes out of the woodwork.

As for LL Word’s future: I plan to continue blogging here, although I expect to be a little less “hardcore” about it in its second year. I love blogging, but at least in these next few months as I adjust to my new job, something may have to give. I don’t want that to be my other clients or my novel — or my relationships. So, please keep your bookmarks active, as I’ll continue to be around. I’m just not going to let myself wallow in guilt if it goes unupdated for a stretch here and there (a note about me: my work personality type is “finisher,” which means I hold myself pretty tyranically to self-set goals, even without any “outside” motivating factor like money or publication. Usually, this pays off. Sometimes, it just wears me out).

Speaking of unupdated stretches, you can expect things to be pretty quiet around here during my upcoming European adventure (November 9 – 25), but I invite you to check out my friend Jenn’s chronicle of her NaNoWriMo-ing adeventures over at CoveredInInk. Bonus: her posts sometimes include pictures of her kitty!

As promised, here is a photo of me in my Halloween costume — I went as Little Red Riding Hood, one of my favorite figures in Fairy Tale lore. Although I’ve loved fairy tales since forever, this is the first time I’ve actually dressed as a Fairy Tale character. I’m already thinking of ways I’d like to improve the costume next year. Maybe I’ll go as Fairy Tale characters every year.

This has me remembering that I submitted a personal essay, “Why I Hated Little Red Riding Hood,” to the Fairy Tale Review’s Red Issue back in the spring.  The submission guidelines said notification would come by August 15, but they also said the issue would be out in Fall of 2010, which it isn’t. Apparently they received over 2,000 submissions — I must not be the only one who loves Little Red Riding Hood! (Yup, I love her now. I hated her as a kid.)

I didn’t do much following up today because a) I did a lot of following up yesterday and b) I pulled another all-nighter last night (more about that later).

Currently, I’ve been exploring some options for part-time jobs that would provide steady income and still allow me the flexibility to continue freelancing, which, almost exactly a year later, still feels like the right lifestyle for me. Here’s what I’m considering:

1. Yesterday, I had an interview with the local library for a part-time teen librarian position. Awesome work, awesome hours (late afternoon and one Saturday a month). They warned me that competition was stiff, but I was the only candidate without a library sciences degree who got an interview, so that was flattering.
2. I also applied for a Saturday mail delivery position. I’ve worked for the post office before so I’m already “in the system.” Working every Saturday might be a drag and would throw a wrench in my long-distance writers’ group plans, but the pay is very good, so it might be worth it just to repay “the Europe fund.” (Yes, you can expect a hiatus or at least slow-down here from Nov 9 – Nov 25, eek!)
3. My sister offered me a “relief” receptionist position at my brother-in-law’s business. I’d only be needed when she or her husband couldn’t be there. She offered minimum wage, but also high-speed wireless and permission for me to spend my time there doing work for my other clients. So I could get paid twice for the same hours. How many employers offer that?

I’m also officially writing a short story for the Family Matters contest, I had a chapter to send to my writers’ group from my novel again, and I have a handful of vociferous comments on my latest YA Catholic blog post to respond to (I think I really am a glutton for punishment.) Also, of course, I have to put the finishing touches on my Halloween costume. It’s nothing fancy, but it is literary, which means that I’ll be posting pictures here.

And as for that all-nighter? I was working on a production push for NewMoon.com. This is a fairly new project in my repertoire, although I’ve been working with NM.com since its launch last September. Production pushes are essentially “upgrades” to the site, which we do in the middle of the night because there are fewer girls online to notice any glitches or downtime that result during the push. Although I thought my night owl days were far behind me, I enjoy the production pushes.  They’re like the digital equivalent of the “laser readings” I used to do on the magazine — one last, intense look at the magazine in its entirety before it went to press. Like those readings, production pushes are intense work, but like those readings, they’re also very gratifying — to see weeks or months of work all come together in one final product at last (although on the web, unlike in print, nothing is ever truly final — which means I probably have many more all-nighters to look forward to in the future!)

The October 2009 issue of The Writer has a short feature reflecting upon how many great writers have described the writing process as tortuous. George Orwell is quoted as referring to writing as, “a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness.” When I was in college, one of my professors assigned us to create a metaphor for our writing life. He said, “And no more essays comparing writing to vomiting!” (I read one of these vomit-writing essays when I worked as a writing tutor, and the common theme was: you know you have to do it, you know you’ll feel better when you do it, but you STILL resist doing it. After you’ve done it, you’re amazed at how much better you feel. And although I’m emetophobic, I can relate to this metaphor — as clearly most writers can, based on the fact that it had become cliche.)

I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on how writers–myself included–seem to loathe writing at times. So why do we do it? Why do you do it? For curiosity’s sake, I created a poll to find out. I’d love if you’d share it with all the writers you know.

Also, I apologize that you can only select one answer, since I’m sure your reasons are varied, as are mine. Please select your primary motivating factor. My answer? Because I feel crappy when I don’t.

Just uploaded my latest post to the Young Adult Catholics blog. Also, received another print byline this week when the most recent issue of Call To Action’s ChurchWatch publication arrived, with my article about the aforementioned blog on page 7:

My name in print!

Well, it’s official–or at least as official as some notes jotted down on paper: I’m going to write another short story. This after my epiphany of realizing that not everything needs to be a novel.

This may seem obvious, but it wasn’t to me. I think it’s natural for our creativity to run on a similar track to what we  feed it, and since I was 10, my life and my mind have been filled with novels. Every time I had a story idea, I assumed that it was actually a novel idea. I’ve let each story nugget percolate in my brain until it collected enough subplots and story arcs and character development to become a novel. If it never “grew” to novel proportions, then it never got written.

Recently, I’ve realized that some stories just don’t want to grow to novel proportions. Some of them want to be enough just the way they are. And this changes my perspective because, in my handful of unsuccessful short story attempts before “The Man in the Mirror,” I always felt so stressed out by the genre, always felt like I had to somehow squeeze a novel into ten pages. I was too ambitious in my story arcs, or not ambitious enough. Most of all, I just didn’t think in short stories because I didn’t read them.

I recently made a resolution to start studying and understanding the form of short stories a bit better, since they’re much easier to “place” than novels. Although I haven’t yet officially embarked on the study, it has been happening organically over the last few years. I knew a good short story when I saw it as an editor for New Moon Girls magazine; I got to work with a very talented short story writer in my writers’ group; and I’ve taken to reading short stories in the bathtub (my new home came with everything a girl could need except a shower). Now I realize that a lot of those little “story-lets” in my mind may just be short stories waiting to happen — not novels that will never get written. I can’t wait to explore the possibilities.

I missed the boat on last week’s Follow-up Friday due to pulling an all-nighter on Thursday and using the remaining time after I woke up on Friday to prepare for the arrival of houseguests. You could say I finally cleared the “follow-up” list on putting the house in order, however.

This week, however, I’m back at it, pursuing the following opportunities:

• Applying for a temporary position at my local library, overseeing the library’s Teen Program
• Sending my head-hopping article off to Writers’ Journal, which expressed initial interest after I queried the editor. This is not a guaranteed sell, but it’s one more step in the right direction
• Mulling over ideas for a short story to submit to Glimmer Train’s biannual Family Matters contest

I got my first review from someone I don’t know of my Queer Dimensions short story, “The Man in the Mirror,” and luckily, it was a favorable review. You can read it here. (And yes, when you’re going for dystopia, “creepy” is high praise indeed. )