Back to Writing … at Last!

After the long wedding-induced haitus, I am SO GLAD to be back to writing at last. A lot has happened in my “writing life” even though very little of it was actually writing. But hey, the writing world didn’t stop spinning because I neglected my desk. Imagine that!

1. My favorite piece of news is that Katya Gordon’s sailing memoir, Big Waves, Small Boat, Two Kids just came out. I had the pleasure of working as an editor on this book, and it’s one of my favorite pieces that I’ve ever worked on. It’s one of those stories that I find myself thinking about, and drawing inspiration from, often. For example: when I was stressed about not having enough room in the 600-sq-foot house I now share with my husband, I thought about how Katya spent a year living in a much smaller boat with her husband and two kids, no less. And when I was in Florida for my honeymoon, I found myself wondering about the lives of the cruisers we saw docked out there. If you like memoir, or nature adventures, or stories about individuals and families figuring out just where they belong in this world, definitely consider checking out this book.
2. The cover for Hungering and Thirsting for Justice came in. How magical it is to have stuff “just happen” on your book without you after a couple years of squeezing work on said book in at every opportunity? I like this “it’s with the publisher” business.
3. I got an email from the editor of the anthology Unruly Catholic Women Writers, in which I have a piece, telling us that she has “good news” about the book … but, I haven’t heard what that is yet. Looking forward to it!

My attempt at doing NaPoWriMo was a bit of a failure. I kept it up diligently and doggedly, writing mostly very bad poems, until about three days before the wedding. Then after the wedding, rather than pick up where I left off … I totally forgot that I was supposed to be writing poetry at all. Well, there’s always next year!

My husband devotes his Fridays to working on his own business, and I’m thinking that I would like to try something similar — to dedicate that same time to my writing. Not tomorrow, though, because I have a big pile of freelance work to catch up on. I’ll be working from a desk (downgraded from an office) in the living room because the basement office isn’t finished yet. Ivan still works on his computer down there, but I cannot abide the cold concrete and dimness. One must have some standards!

It’s good to be back!

My First Book — Coming Soon

Over the past year, I’ve made mention several times about an anthology of young adult Catholic voices that I’ve been working on. Last week, my co-editor and I heard back from the publisher, and this morning we confirmed that the project is a go. The book will be available in the fall, hopefully by September, in print and ebook editions. I can’t wait to hold it in my hands, and more importantly, to share these stories of passionate, gutsy, smart young adult Catholics with the world.

I’m also excited to be moving into the phase of book production that has before now been purely hypothetical to me. Although I’ve seen dozens of magazines, one poem, and one short story through publication, this will be the first time that I’m moving through the post-acceptance process of something that I’ve pulled together on my own, and not because I was hired to do so by someone else. I also very much appreciate knowing that I’m “on the right track,” as our publisher referred to our submission as one of the “most professional proposals” he’s ever seen. That’s encouraging, since I’m now regularly putting together similar proposals to shop my young adult novel to agents and publishers.

If you want to meet some of the writers featured in the upcoming Hungering and Thirsting for Justice anthology, check out the Young Adult Catholics blog. And if you’d like to read some high-quality, thought-provoking Catholic/Christian/Spiritual literature, definitely check out ACTA Publications, a publisher I admired years before knowing they would publish my first book project. In particular, I recommend one of their newest offerings, Grace Notes by Brian Doyle, and the book that first put them on my radar, Remaining Catholic: Six Good Reasons for Staying in an Imperfect Church by Martin Pable. I have a long list of additional books from their catalog on my “To-Read” list. They’re definitely a publisher to watch, and I’m thrilled to be working with them.

Writing Resolutions

It’s that time of year again … the time to make writing resolutions. I almost always make New Year’s resolutions related to my writing, and they’ve helped me grow as a writer over time. This year, I have one writing resolution: to submit something once a month. I’m feeling optimistic because I already know what I’m submitting for January — the manuscript I’m co-editing for a Catholic publisher is due on January 15.

I also made some writing “wishes” way back in July that I haven’t given up on, either!

So far, my writing year has started out with a bang. In addition to the first phase of the Catholic manuscript project coming to a close, I found out today that a manuscript I edited for a private client has landed a publisher. I can’t wait to hold the book in my hands this summer! (I’ll let all of you know where to get it when it’s available, too!) I picked up a new freelance client this week, and I also gave a presentation on “Building a Fantastical World” to three groups of 6-8 graders at today’s Young Author’s Conference. I attended this conference when I was a middle schooler myself, and I credit it for instilling in me the importance of writing every day (a goal I still strive for, and in striving for it, write a lot more than I would without it.) Although presenting to any age group is a little nerve-wracking to me, doing so always leaves me with a new energy, too. And I’ll definitely need it for the year of writing ahead!

I also got another rejection for my YA novel today, which, believe it or not, actually made me feel good. It was the tangible proof that I’m attaining my goal of getting my writing *out there*; I’ll cross another market off my list for now, and move on. There are plenty more where that came from! (markets, and rejections. )

Book Release Party: Eye of the Wolf

Last week, I had the privilege of traveling to Duluth for Marie Zhuikov’s book release party. As she gave a presentation about the plight of the wolves on Isle Royale and how her book figured into that, I found myself flashing back to moments spent reading the manuscript on my parents’ couch in the middle of the night, making comments by the light of a small lamp; or curled up on the couch of my best friends in the twin cities, cozy indoors with wolves while a Minnesota winter loomed just outside the windows. I’m not sure of all the places life will take me as I read the published version of Eye of the Wolf, but I can’t wait to find out!

Marie is the first writer in my five-member speculative fiction writers group to publish a full-length book, and her success feels like a success for all of us — not just because we worked on the manuscript (and got a nifty mention in the acknowledgments!), but also because we know that Marie is “just like us” — a professional, dedicated, creative writer, yes, but also a woman who holds a full-time job (with freelance work on the side), is raising kids, walks her dog, and loves sweet potato fries. She’s a real person and not an elusive “author,” just as we all strive to be. With Marie’s success, it feels ever more attainable.

Marie’s book might be classified as a “paranormal romance,” but any genre label feels too small for it. Taking place in 1985 and based on Marie’s own experiences as a waitress on Isle Royale and her extensive research into wolf behavior (and the wolves on Isle Royale in particular), the book examines what might happen if the wolves on the island took the matter of their dwindling numbers into their own hands. They need to mate with new wolves to improve their gene pool, but the island setting doesn’t allow them to encounter new wolves. So the alpha male and female decide that they must “join” with two humans who will then help the wolves reach the mainland, their one hope for survival. What follows is a non-traditional werewolf story with such beautiful descriptions of setting that you might be booking a trip to Isle Royale for your next vacation. And when you do, you know the perfect reading material to bring with you.

[The book is still too new to be available online, but you can purchase a copy directly by contacting the publisher, North Star Press: E-Mail: info@northstarpress.com, Phone: (320)558-9062. I'll update this post with links for purchasing the book online when they become available.]

I’m Officially a Goodreads Author!

My bit of writing excitement last week — which I’ve already blasted around all the social media to which I belong — was being accepted into Goodreads Author program. I’ve been a member of Goodreads for over three years now, and recently I was looking at the collection of science fiction short stories, Queer Dimensions, in which I published a piece. I noticed that several of the short story contributors in the anthology had a “Goodreads Author” credit next to their names, but that acknowledgment was woefully missing from my name. So I did a quick Google search, applied to be part of the program, and voila! Three days later, I, too, have become a Goodreads Author.

The best part of this transition is probably that it pulled up a few reviews of the anthology that I hadn’t read before, including one that referenced my contribution, “The Man in the Mirror” as “the most sincere of the stories.” I also appreciated this review from Lily:

THE MAN IN THE MIRROR by Lacey Louwagie
This well written story is about what could happen when everything you’ve always wanted starts to come true. In this sweet yet oftentimes sad story the heroine learns that being yourself, and not trying to be what someone else needs, is the only way to truly be happy. Very nice story with an excellent ending.

As endings are the most challenging part for me to write, I was particularly pleased that she commented on the ending.

There are some scary things about crossing the threshold to “Goodreads Author,” too. One is that now I’ll have to be ready to buck up and accept negative, even scathing reviews, of what I’ve written (Lord knows I probably deserve it, after some of the reviews I’ve written!) I admit that when I review a book on Goodreads that designates the author as a “Goodreads Author,” I feel more hesitant to write something negative. A good friend of mine admitted to feeling the same thing, but then made peace with it by deciding that authors just need to accept that not everyone is going to like their work. It’s part of the territory. I agree with her. Now let’s see if I can take as good as I can give (one thing I will NOT do is leave comments on bad reviews “defending” my work. Readers have every right not to like what you’ve written, no questions asked.)

And then there is the issue about being brave, too. I tell the world I write speculative fiction, but it’s not as widely known that some of it (much of it, if I’m totally honest), addresses queer themes in subtle or overt ways. I know that this means some people will judge me immediately as a person, and skip right over the writer part, skip right over what I actually have to say (“oh, she’s part of that agenda”). And that saddens me. But it’s part of the world we live in, and it’s not going to get better if we continue to hide.

Mostly, though, I feel challenged. Because as good as I thought it would feel to reach this milestone, I find the one book to my credit looking pretty piddly on my author account page. I want more books there. MORE!! Around this time next year, I’ll be able to add the book I’m working on for ACTA publications to the roster. Hopefully by the time that one is there, I’ll have another in the works that I can look forward to putting in spot number three.

Why I Write: Because I’m Not Always Brave

Last night, I posted Ask Any Scientist! to Young Adult Catholics. The post argues against using “science” as a justification of homophobia. I knew as I was conceiving of, writing, and publishing the post that I was more likely to get flamed for it than to get support, as the commenters most active on that blog are those who like to pick it apart. My tone was a little more snarky than usual (homilies against same-sex marriage tend to bring out the snark in me), and even when I take the least offensive tone possible, my posts about women’s ordination and just treatment of GLBTQ individuals always get flamed.

For a moment, this made me wonder if making the post was worth it at all. Because I get weary of having people rail at me as if I’m a terrible person because I disagree with what my institution dictates that I believe. It always feels like a personal attack, as my Catholicism (and my feminism, and my bisexuality) are all core facets of my identity, so that attacking any one of these things feels like you’re attacking me and not an idea. I am Catholic. I am a feminist. I am bisexual. These are not ideas. These are the realities of living in my skin. I’m sorry if my reality is offensive to you (actually, I’m not. But I am sorry that I can’t live out my reality and speak my truth in peace, when doing so isn’t hurting anyone.)

Sure enough, the first comment I got on my post was one comparing my argument to the reasoning that eugenicists use. Often, I don’t even respond to these comments because it’s draining, and these people are never interested in dialogue. This time, I did respond. Whether I have the energy to continue the conversation remains to be seen.

Last night as I was deciding whether to go through with the post or not, two things pushed me forward. One was my deadline. I didn’t want to miss it, nor did I want to switch gears at the last minute when I’d struggled most of the day deciding on a topic to begin with. But the second reason was by far the more important one: I wondered, if we are not able to write about what we truly believe, if we are not able to write from our core, even when what’s at our core is pain or embarrassment or snarkiness or fear, then what good is writing at all? If I allow fear to start dominating my writing, then I lose a certain amount of integrity as a writer. And sometimes, my writing self is the one place where I feel my integrity remains intact.

Because here’s the truth: I let fear dominate my actions in real-life far too often. Although I write about being bisexual, there are still people I’m not “out” to in my real life. As my marriage to a man approaches, there are hundreds of people who I know now and will know in the future who will never see me as anything but straight, and I don’t go out of my way to correct them. Last week, I bit my tongue in response to two homophobic remarks. Both times, I rationalized my silence based on “professionalism” (since both happened within a work context.) Both times, I knew why I really remained silent: fear. Fear of being uncomfortable. Fear of having my professionalism compromised. Fear of “forcing” my ideas on others. Fear of many things, but ultimately, just plain old fear nonetheless.

Obviously, I don’t try to hide that hard. The Internet is not exactly a private place, and publishing is not exactly a private act. I know that a quick Google search could lay bare the many things I don’t always talk about in my day-to-day life. So I do consider this writing, knowing there could be offline repercussions, as an act of bravery. But sometimes, my writing feels like the only place in my life where I live up to the type of bravery and honesty I value. And that’s why it’s so important to keep doing it.

Up to My Eyeballs

My status over at gmail, which is where I keep my “freelance/writing” account, claims that I’m “up to my eyeballs in writing projects.”

And the end of the year certainly is a busy time for writers, but now that we’re on the last day of November, I’m finally able to tick some of those items off my list.

1. NaNoWriMo. No, I didn’t participate this year. But I did spy on my friends who were participating. How did you do? And when can I read your stories?
2. The McSweeny’s Highwire Fiction Award: This is a grant given to a woman younger than 32 to work on her writing. I sent my application off the week before Thanksgiving, and it wasn’t nearly as daunting as I expected it to be. The moral? Don’t ignore opportunities because they seem hard in your mind. Try it before you decide how “hard” it is.
3. The Gotham YA Novel Discovery Contest: This contest requires only the first 250 words and title of your novel, along with a $15 entry fee. I entered it last year, but the rules didn’t say anything about not being able to enter the same novel twice. So, I did. I’m sure the first 250 words are better this time around, anyway.
4. The PAD Chapbook Challenge: I wrote 30 poems in November, y’all! Although I’ve won NaNoWriMo 3 times, this is the first time I’ve successfully completed a poetry challenge. Now I’m putting them aside as I focus on December’s projects.

Numbers 1 – 4 above ALL have November 30 deadlines. What does that mean? If you read this post immediately after it goes up, there might still be time for you!!

Now that those writing adventures are behind me, I can focus on these, in deadline order:

1. Finishing the revision on my final chapter of the YA novel, in time to turn it over to my writers’ group on December 11th.
2. Frantically spit, polish, and shine said novel between December 17 (writers’ group) and December 31 (Delacorte Press First Young Adult Novel Contest deadline).
3. Turn my attention to this jumble of 30 poems and perform same treatment on them to send them off for the January 5 PAD Chapbook Challenge deadline.
4. Prepare a curriculum for Writing for Expression, Reflection, and Legacy, a writing class I’m teaching to senior citizens this spring.
5. And after the class ends in April? There appears to be . . . a void. For now. I can’t wait to see what fills it!

Poem #15, Writers Group, and a Meeting w/ a Publisher

Cats for a Day

Every morning I used to ask my cat,
“Why don’t we switch things up a bit?
This time, you go to work,
and I lay around all day.”

She blinked, chirped, walked away.
I grumbled about how some people
just don’t pull their own weight.

But do you remember the time
we decided to play cats-for-the-day?
More commonly known
as playing hooky.

You had the day off work
and I had a bit of an ache in my arms
and my period –
not enough to keep me home,
except that you looked so cozy
in your bed, goading me:
“You should do it. Call in sick
and hang out with me.”

For seven years we shared small spaces
cheered each other up onto our soap boxes
had conversations in broken Spanish
played guitars and cards at the kitchen table.
Even then, I knew those nights of movies
and reading books aloud
were our glorious moments of stretching out
basking in the sun
just because it was there.
Two kittens dashed across
slippery tile floors
as two women lay on two sides
of the same wall
and reached out their voices
where their hands didn’t touch.
Except for the nights when talking
wasn’t enough and my body shook
and the tears came rushing down my face
as fast as you came rushing into my room.

But then one day, you wore an expensive white dress
and we had a big party
and that meant that it was time for you to share
small spaces with someone else,
curled up with him in bed just like
kittens curled up on the couch.

And so I have no regrets
about the half lie I once told
so that I could spend the day
beside you on a scratchy green couch.
Not an ounce of guilt
for when we finally gave in
to our desire to be
cats for a day.

I think I can officially count myself “caught up” for that one missing poem, since I technically wrote three poems on Saturday night, all of them about my childhood relationship with My Little Ponies (there was a My Little Pony pic that I used as a prompt in my Picto-Journal). Two of them were terrible, and really what just felt like a ‘warm-up’ for the third, which might actually be worth salvaging. But nobody ever said these poem-a-day creations had to be good! (If that were the case, I wouldn’t be able to count the dreadful six-liner I jotted out last night while my boyfriend was in the bathroom, but count it I did!!)

I met with my writers group tonight via webcam, which was an exciting change full of the suspense of wondering what-in-the-world-the-person-on-the-other-end-might-be-saying. Dropped connections, distorted voices, and frozen videos abound, but it was still really lovely to hear the voices and see the faces of my writing posse. They’ve promised to scope out better Internet possibilities. Technology could be so wonderful if only it would work!

I’ve been saving the best bit for last: I have a phone meeting on Friday with a publisher who is interested in an anthology of young, Catholic voices. I fielded his “fan-mail” to one of the Young Adult Catholics blog writers last week and decided to respond with a bit of a pitch. We had interest from a Catholic publisher over a year ago in doing a similar project, but his team decided our voices were just too dissident for their press. The press I’ll be talking with on Friday is much more comfortable with dissidence–and that’s the kind of press I like!

I Have a Plan!

So, I’ve made my decision: I’m not going to do NaNoWriMo this year. I don’t want to abandon my revisions of ETD when I have good momentum going, especially since I want to have it ready to submit to Delacorte Press’s Young Adult Novel contest, which closes on December 31.

However, in lieu of NaNoWriMo, I’m going to participate in the November PAD Chapbook Challenge, which is akin to National Poetry Writing Month’s Poem-a-Day challenge, except . . . November’s resulting poems are eligible to be published as a chapbook. Poetry is not my strong suit, but it’s never too late to learn. And the Jan 5 Chapbook Submission Deadline will help keep me on track.

Finally, I’m also going to apply for a McSweeny’s Grant to work on my writing. So, I have October to focus on the rest of my novel revisions, November for massively producing new work, and December and January for submitting. I’m excited!

Happy Anniversary, LL Word

Well, today is the exact one-year anniversary of this blog; I began it on November 3, 2008. At that time, I was only a few days into my life as a full-time freelancer, full of questions and fear and enthusiasm. That first month, I definitely bit off a little more than I could chew — working far more than 40 hrs a week for my two main clients at the time, participating in NaNoWriMo (a year later, I’m still untangling the messiest first draft I’ve ever written!), updating this blog daily, and running around to conferences and election events. My life has definitely balanced out quite a bit since then. I’m always busy, but my life no longer has that “working-all-the-time” feeling. This is a very, very good thing.

I started freelancing last year with two clients: my previous employer, New Moon Girl Media, and a self-publisher. On my first day as a freelancer, the self-publisher I worked with dropped the rates they paid their freelancers by 25%. Yikes! It sent me into a minor panic, which also motivated me to find more reliable clients (in true worry-wart fashion, I’d worked for the self-publisher for four months at decent rates before I made the decision to transition to a full-time freelance lifestyle, only to have that security shaken within the first day “on the job”!)

The lowered rates, along with an increasingly unreliable payment schedule, urged me to drop that client as soon as I had more reliable work, although I enjoyed the work very, very much (in case you’re wondering, I’m not naming them because for the most part, I feel like, if you can’t say something nice on the Internet, be vague — or privacy protect your entries). In January, I started working for Scribendi, which I’ve loved. The work is varied and steady, the pay schedule is regular and reliable, and overall, they maintain their business with the utmost professionalism.  I also wrote a handful of articles for Demand Studios when things with my other cients slowed down and pursued my  publication goals, which resulted in . . .

• A sell to the Unsent Letters anthology, forthcoming (and my only work published under a pen name)
• A sell to Queer Dimensions of my short story, “The Man in the Mirror”
• Acceptance of my essay “Where I First Met God” by Unruly Catholic Women Writers II and a so-far unnamed anthology about lesbianism and Catholicism
• Publication of my article, Spiritual and Virtual, in ChurchWatch
• Initial interest in an article on head-hopping by Writers’ Journal

I also received a few rejections, but surprisingly, fewer than my acceptances. They still sting. But I’ve learned a lot about the value of submitting something a market wants, when they want it. A lot of my acceptances came from writing something new specific to the call for submissions, rather than digging through my repertoire for something that might fit. I’m still pursuing “my own things” with hopes that the markets will come later, but this has been an invaluable way to actually build up my list of publishing credits.

Although frightened by the “insecurity” of full-time freelancing, I resolved when I began not to jump ship too quickly, to try to give it at least a year before pursuing more “traditional” employment in any concerted manner. I did apply to one full-time position during that year because the opportunity was too good to pass up; I made it into the “final round” but didn’t get an interview. Last night, on the eve of my one-year anniversary, I was offered more “traditional” employment once more, and I accepted. My orientation starts tomorrow for a part-time teen librarian position.

I’m excited about a lot of things — the chance to work in a library!, another source of steady income, enough time and flexibility to continue doing freelance work. I’m nervous about a few things, like not being able to work in my jammies, having to drive in Minnesota winters again, and finding a way to balance it all. The position is temporary, through January, so I’m going to keep everything on my plate until then, and reasses as necessary when January rolls around.

I’ve also reflected a bit on what role I want LL Word to play in my future. I started this blog as something of an experiment, to see whether I could find enough to say about writing-related topics to update it three times a week (preferably every weekday, however), to keep me accountable to my goals, to chronicle this scary adventure I was undertaking, and to give me a home on the web to refer potential clients to. I’ve very much enjoyed the conversations with my regular readers, and have been pleasantly surprised by the occasional lurker who comes out of the woodwork.

As for LL Word’s future: I plan to continue blogging here, although I expect to be a little less “hardcore” about it in its second year. I love blogging, but at least in these next few months as I adjust to my new job, something may have to give. I don’t want that to be my other clients or my novel — or my relationships. So, please keep your bookmarks active, as I’ll continue to be around. I’m just not going to let myself wallow in guilt if it goes unupdated for a stretch here and there (a note about me: my work personality type is “finisher,” which means I hold myself pretty tyranically to self-set goals, even without any “outside” motivating factor like money or publication. Usually, this pays off. Sometimes, it just wears me out).

Speaking of unupdated stretches, you can expect things to be pretty quiet around here during my upcoming European adventure (November 9 – 25), but I invite you to check out my friend Jenn’s chronicle of her NaNoWriMo-ing adeventures over at CoveredInInk. Bonus: her posts sometimes include pictures of her kitty!